Tuesday, January 11, 2022

I shaved my head and something amazing happened

 Last March, after months of considering, many conversations and even a therapy session, I did something drastic, that made no sense to most people around me.

At 38 years old, the person I saw myself as and the person I saw in the mirror were so drastically different. After 8 years or hormone issues and 5 years on HRT ( working to balance what was terribly unbalanced), I had gained weight, my shape changed and my brain fell back into some of the patterns of thinking (about myself) that I remember from my teenage years. 

My hair... Most of the time was very long. I used to dye it red but after so many years of dying it frequently ( because I grows so fast) my head was covered in scabs so I made the choice to stop dying it and because I have an auto- immune issue called vitiligo, almost 1/2 of the hair on my head was now white, and the other half was brown. And I got compliments on it all the time (sometimes by strangers) and while there WERE times that I liked it, even loved it, I started to see the white hair age me, then I only ever wore it in a bun, and despite not dying it for years, I still had terrible scabs and would pick at them constantly. I also suffer from hot flashes quite frequently and my thick head of hair did not help with that.

Fast forward to March 2021. I shaved all my hair off, and documented it in a YouTube video. I bought some wigs and took back the reigns a bit on how I look and something amazing happened. It didn't happen overnight, but I started to see myself again when I looked in the mirror.

It's been almost a year since I shaved it off, I grew it out for 6 months but felt like I was starting to feel that old way again so it was shaved again. I can't say that I will keep shaving my head for the rest of my life but I can say that I will for the next few years. 

I do still get scabs but I can treat my scalp directly now, and having no hair helps to cool me down much quicker when a hot flash comes. I do wear a wig 95% of the time when I am out among people but at home, or in the homes I work in ( with the kids) I ditch the wig and Rick the buzz, it looks a bit strange with all my white spots but I've grown used to the look and feel and last month I started challenging myself to go out (run errands) without a wig on and it's been a confidence stretching experience.

I can't speak for anyone else who shaves their hair off, and willingly chooses the bald/buzzed look, but I can tell you that for me, it has allowed me to find myself again, to feel comfortable with the me I see in the mirror, somehow my clothes fit better and my face doesn't look so old- it freed something within me. I had no way of knowing that it would do that.

and if you did not see my video of the shaving process, I'll link it here.