10 year anniversary

 As a teen I dreamed of the man I would marry, I had all kinds of ideas of how our marriage would be and how our lives would go. I entered my 20’s eager and ready to meet and marry the man that God had for me. But I didn’t meet him until I was 29. 

I used to joke with friends that 29 isn’t old, but 29 and single is REALLY old, needless to say I was very ready to get married and start my “real” adult life. 

I walked down the Aisle and said I do, at 30 years old, so now, I stand here in 2023 having just hit two very big “milestones” in life. I turned 40 (yikes) and I’ve been married for 10 years.

I thought I had learned well enough in my first 30 years to not put expectations on life, on others and especially on GOD , however, I certainly thought things would go a certain way, that our family would grow in the predictable way, that we would be parents (for one). I know very well that giving birth is NOT the only way to have kids but one by one all the other options were crossed off too, and that is a difficult road to walk down. 

We changed over the last 10 years, both of us, in deep and profound ways. I know for a fact that we have walked through many things that have caused others to end their marriages and I certainly had times when I thought it would be so much easier to deal with all my crap on my own without having to put everything on someone else too BUT I vowed that day (10 years ago) that I would CHOOSE to love Tim for as long as we both are living, and I am lucky that he is also equally dedicated to the vow that we took. 

Choosing to love him has not always been easy, and though I can’t speak for him, I’ve not been the easiest person to grow alongside either. 

I learned a lot over the last 10 years about how to make a marriage last. Here it is - ready???

I learned that Love is NOT enough. 

It also takes trust and kindness, humility, compassion, empathy, patience, flexibility, compromise, forgiveness, selflessness, determination, passion, confidence, conviction.

It takes a willingness to let someone else see the ugly parts of you, and for you to be willing to see the same of them and not let that overshadow the beauty.

It takes learning to fight the RIGHT way - where the intent is to understand and communicate and not to simply win. 

It takes understanding that the way you process things, prefer things, experience, and communicate are NOT the only/right way.

It takes a lot of intention and consistency. 

And I learned most importantly, that my husband is not and will never be, and was never intended to be my everything. THAT is a role that can only be filled by God. 

I did not become anymore complete the day I married Tim (despite what the rom-coms taught me). 

I strive each day (and fail more times then succeed) to remember where my source of meaning comes from. 

And in conclusion, here’s to another 10 years of doing life beside my husband. I pray that God will continue to perfect his perfect plan for us individually and as a couple- I pray that wherever God takes us in the next 10 years, that we will continue to strive for deep authentic fellowship with God and each other.