Houseparents - My one year recap

Last year I turned 37 and we celebrated my birthday by saying goodbye to our lives, and a lot of people we loved. Some of those people came over, to our empty house and sat on the floor and ate cake and hung out with us one last time. 2 days later we loaded up our car and cats and drove to Arizona, to a new job and a new life. 

 I have sat down many times since then to write about this last year but I never felt I could properly describe it so it always got deleted. But here I am, just turned 38, it has almost been a year since we started this job so I decided it was time to REALLY write a "recap". 

 When we moved here to Arizona to work at a place called Sunshine acres, a wonderful little community, it honestly seemed WAY too good to be true, but it really IS, just as it seems. 

and quick overview of this place and my job. Sunshine acres has 7 kids homes, with room for up to 10 kids in each, 3 of the homes are Boys and 4 of them are girls. Each home has one full-time set of houseparents that are ON (duty) 5 days a week (most weeks) and then there are 6 relief couple. each has a set house that they are in on the full-time parents 2 off days (one couple has 2 houses) and the other 3 days of their work week they go where needed (in any house, or on "support" helping everyone). Me and my husband are a relief couple and our "set" house is a girls house where we spend every Monday and Tuesday. 

I feel in many ways that my whole life prepared me for this job and with that being said it is both the easiest job I've ever had AND the hardest job I've ever had. We started just as covid effectively took over anything and everything normal at Sunshine acres, as well as in Arizona (& the world really) so it was a bit like trying to stand up-right on a rocking boat. 

Fear and confusion and sickness and death was all around, quarantine and hand sanitizer and facemasks, social distance- these became a part of everyday life and we learned to find our place here, as everyone struggled to find a new normal ( not unlike adjusting to life after losing a loved one) 

  At first I could not remember anyone's names, not just the kids but the other house parents too. I still mix up names occasionally but for the most part I know most everyone here. 

 My favorite things about living and working here are 

 - having a dining hall that cooks 95% of the food for the kids (& us) 

 - driving around in our golf cart 

- no snow, no frozen icy roads, no REAL winter

 - my commute from home to work is very short 

- prayer and God are a part of everything and not just something I bring to the job like every job I had prior 

- and I work alongside my husband 

 - the dr I found because of this job that is so very awesome and actually listens when I talk, and works with me to fix any issues I'm dealing with 

- coloring and crafting and taking pictures are all a part of this job 

- I get to braid and create fun hairstyles for countless girls 

-and at the end of the day, when I'm tired, I know and feel that I made a difference and I can see the impact of my job and that is wonderful

-I have no doubt that this is where I am meant to be, that God called me here and has equipped me for this job

 My least fav parts of this job 

 - waking early for school days (I am allergic to mornings) 

 - with a job like this, on my off days I run errands and do stuff around the house and I’ve not really had any social life outside my job, covid has NOT helped this 

-it can be difficult to cultivate relationships with the kids when there are so many of them, it takes time, and lots of patience and it can be really hard to NOT compare ourselves to other houseparent's

-its equally hard to build relationships with the other adults here, our focus is first the kids and so conversations are short and broken and can be few and far between.

 - emotionally it can be hard, and draining 

- I am not a part of a local church anymore where I volunteer and soak up the word and worship (we have a church here but it’s not the same, and covid has kept me from visiting outside church on off time) 

 I cannot really tell you what a typical day is like here, at sunshine acres, as a relief houseparent, cause there really is NO SUCH thing as a typical day. Every day includes lots of kids, usually at least one “meltdown” or “attitude problem” , snacks, homework, laundry, chores, meals in the home and at the dining hall, goofy/silly/fun stuff, and boring/blah stuff. Its a bit like my live-in nanny job from a decade ago but on steroids (instead of one kid, it’s 8,9, 10 kids) , instead of one house, I work in many (mostly the 4 girls houses but occasionally a boys house for a day or two). 

 I find myself answering the same questions again and again “what’s for snack?”, “ can we go to the park?” … and the like, but I have found that over the weeks, months (over the last year) we have developed relationships with these kids, we love them, I love them, so very much. I don’t ever want to say that I know where I will be 5 years or 10 years from now because I always want to leave that up to God but I could see myself, (and so could Tim, he’s said so often) being here for a long time. And I’ll just end by saying one little thing. 

You might not be able to pick up your life and come work at a children's home, and it’s probably NOT your calling but you can do something (so many things) to provide love for a child who needs it. I talk to people all the time about how my parents did foster care, and how I had so so many foster brothers and sisters over the years, and usually what they reply with is - I could never do that, it would be just so hard to fall in love with those kids and then to have to say goodbye. 

 And I will add - JUST because something is hard - should NEVER be a reason why you don’t do it. You don’t have to foster, maybe just volunteer with an organization that works with foster kids, or other kids in need,  find out what their needs are and work to help or fill a need, or if you are doing great financially then look around and see where you can send that money to help kids. 

 And that’s all I have for my ONE YEAR RECAP. Come back next year and I’ll write another one.

A new adventure

If you want to know where we are moving to and why, take a moment to read this -

Let me give you a bit of background before I tell you what is ahead for us.

7 years ago I moved to Jonesboro Arkansas (from Bend Oregon) - I moved here because I had fallen in love with a man who lived here, we were long distance for a year and then I moved here for 6 months before we got married. Those first few months were hard, I cried myself to sleep a lot of nights because I missed my family so much (we are close and this was my first time being so far from them).
Shortly after we got married I started to pray that God would move me and my husband closer to home, I prayed that for several years and then decided I needed to be more specific so I started to pray that God would move us to somewhere that is ONE flight from home.
I did my best to make Jonesboro home, and becoming part of a ministry was key to making me feel like I belonged, I became a youth leader at our church and loved it! I did that for 6 years and then I felt this past September that God was telling me to step out of that ministry, so I did.

No ministry and not job - I was in a holding pattern... just waiting...
I didn't know what was next but I started to pray that God would open the doors for a ministry that me and my husband could do together.
Around the same time (sept-october 2019) we began to start looking at bigger houses and getting info on becoming foster parents. We heard someone mention a children's home one Sunday and it sparked a curiosity in both of us, so we started to look into that and learned that couples were hired to be HOUSE parents, meaning that you live in a house full of kids, family style, and you get to love them & that is your Job, I showed the info to my husband (not thinking he would be interested cause he has a job that he loves now, BUT) he was interested, so we started looking at it seriously.

I found a site that listed all the Jobs for Childrens homes (http://www.houseparent.net/Direct1.php)
and through a lengthy process of elimination we had a handful of locations on our list - but ONE OF THEM stood out, among all the others, because of the community feel they had between the houses, we both had a really great feeling about them so we put all the other places on hold and pursued this option.
Skipping forward, several months, many emails, skype calls, prayers and answers we went to visit SUNSHINE ACRES in Mesa AZ in Feb 2020 (which was just 2 weeks ago as I write this post). We came home feeling sure that we were meant to be there, and we were set to wait for a job opening to present itself.
A few days after arriving home we got a call and a job offer to be relief parents and support staff and we accepted! Originally we had 6 weeks to pack and move but some things changed and now we are looking at being in Mesa by March 18th.

If it seems like that all happened really quick, it's cause it DID. It's a crazy packing frenzy over here as we get rid of stuff we don't need and plan for our new life and OF COURSE the kitties are coming with us!!!!
We will miss our church and all the people who made this place home. We have people here that we consider family and it's hard to leave them but we feel that it's God who is calling us, so if would be foolish not to go.

and to reference the 2 prayers I was praying - YES mesa has an airport that flies DIRECT to Redmond/bend airport, and this is 100% a ministry that me and my husband will be doing together.
I could go even further back over the last year and show you how every little upset or hiccup was in preparation for this move but I will just relay to you that we are confident that THIS is where we are supposed to go. We would love your prayers as we go through this move, as all kinds of emotions flood to the surface and moving is stressful.

I will end this post by leaving some links so you can check out the website and social media page for Sunshine acres as well as some videos I found on Youtube -they do a great job of showing what they do and I'm sure after looking them over, you will see why we are so excited about this next chapter.

http://www.sunshineacres.org/

https://www.facebook.com/SunshineAcresCH

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LzeX6tg6AAU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Brv9-9-FU4A

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTflCCYEHlA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_V3QPMpjdQ

A safe place to land.

Feeling mighty emotional today... not sure why but I thought I would use the emotion in a productive way and write a post on my mostly neglected blog.

There's a song I love -

Christian Burghardt - Safe Place to Land

I hear that song and it makes me tear up, from the very first time I heard it I knew it was a song that I could have written. It expresses the feelings that I feel about my kids. 

Those of you who know me, you're a bit confused by that last part. I don't have kids. Well, I have always known that I would adopt my kids, from the foster care system,  that they would come to me with broken hearts and baggage and that I would need to be a safe place for them, that I would have to work for their love and trust and that it might not be love at first sight like it is for most parents (who bring their kids home from the hospital smelling like a newborn, shiny and new). 

I'm gonna write out  the lyrics from the song I mentioned above, if you've not heard it, I would encourage you to go over to YouTube or wherever you listen to music and look it up, listen to it, and I hope it will stir something in your heart or inspire you in some way. 

Help me understand
The war you're fighting
We'll never have a chance
If you fire blindly
You're circling the atmosphere
Unsure if I'll disappear
I'm not going nowhere
Open your eyes

I'm always
Gonna be
Your safe place to land
Safe place to land
The ground beneath your feet
Like you never had
Like you never had
When you're at ten thousand feet
No parachute
You got my hand
I'm always gonna be
Your safe place to land
Safe place to land

You say your heart is made of glass
If you fall apart then I'll glue you back
Well, I'm made of paper mäché
And I'll blow away if I can't make you stay
You're circling the atmosphere
Unsure if I'll disappear
I'm not going nowhere
Open your eyes

I'm always
Gonna be
Your safe place to land
Safe place to land
The ground beneath your feet
Like you…

Even just reading it, has me in tears, I'm not sure why it gets me so hard. 

We are taking steps now, me and my husband to be in the place we need to be, for those kids to find us. Maybe we will get to adopt a few of them and call them ours forever, maybe they will be just temporary kids for a while- I'm not sure, all I know is that it's close. 

My parents were those people for so many kids over the years, I saw them love every kid that came into our home, some of them even called them mommy and dad, and then they left to go back to wherever the court said they "belonged" I know it broke my mom's heart, it broke my heart as a sister, to see them go, and I'm prepared for those feelings to come back. Its OK, I'll risk my heart breaking a million times - if only I can be a safe place to land (even if just for a little while) .

Pray for us, we are trying to listen to Gods voice, and follow his direction, we know that the need is so great. and pray for them, our kids, today might be a really hard day for them, they might be in the midst of a mighty storm, they might be praying that God will rescue them, I pray that today they will hear him say- 

"I'm working it out for you, little one, I've not forgotten you, just wait a little longer, help is coming" 

My afternoons with Ro

In another life (years ago, and when I was still single and living in Oregon) I spent much of my time as a nanny and babysitter, mostly for date nights and occasionally a summer job of two but I did have one steady part time Nanny job that lasted 3 years, oddly enough I took over the job for my older sister (she was also a Nanny for quite a while).

He was 14 months when I started watching him. I spent afternoons with him while his Mom taught piano lessons and sometimes while she just did chores or ran errands. He was a wildly imaginative boy- we would go for long walks and spend hours at the park, I taught him some songs that we would sing together. He was small for his age but his vocabulary was amazing, I taught him the word Acapulco and when we went to the boat park, we would always pretend to sail there, to somewhere warm, he was the captain and I was Leen.

Once we were at the park, the one down the road from his house that we went to most often and he ran to greet another kid, he said “welcome to the park, I’m Rohan and that’s my best friend Leen” - I almost cried, it was just the sweetest thing to hear him call me his best friend.

The hardest part about being a nanny is how much you fall in love with the kids, and knowing that you time in their lives in temporary.

Rohan was 4 when I stopped watching him, his younger brother had just been born a few months before and he was a fussy baby who only ever wanted his mommy so after a few months of holding a crying (sometimes screaming) baby I moved on to find a full-time nanny job but I never stopped loving that little red head boy.

Thanx to facebook, I got to see him and his brother grow up, their mom Jennifer and I would exchange birthday wishes and comment on each others photos, she was the kind of hands on mom that everyone wishes to have, spending so much time in their home I got to see first hand how much she and her husband loved those boys.

They traveled to exotic international destinations and she made her living by teaching piano, her house was always filled with music and often, between students she would play the most beautiful songs- their tiny house would be filled with music. I grew up playing Piano too so I could appreciate the difficulty of the songs she would play, but she made it sound so easy and effortless.

She was very kind, an organic vegan, who did all the things that the magazines say you should do to take care of yourself, to Love yourself, so when I heard that she had cancer it was a shock to say the very least. She went through treatment and got better, I saw the photos she posted of the boys Halloween costumes, the birthday celebrations, robotics at school and I commented on how big the boys were. She commented on my kitten photos and videos and said how she would adopt one if I still lived near by.

Ro is a teenager now, and his little brother a preteen and yesterday I got a text from my sister informing me that their mom had died. I had not seen her facebook in a while and didn’t even know that she was sick again. She was 45. I know she will be deeply missed by her husband and the boys and I find myself looking back to those days when I spent my afternoons with her happy little red headed toddler.

They will be in my prayers in the coming weeks and years, that they will learn their new normal without her, that they will remember the very best of times and that they will continue to love each other the way she taught them too.

Life is short. You really never know when your last day will be. So live it, say your I love yous and take your road trips, take photos and videos and paint painting and sing songs- because life is short.

16 years of lessons

I have worked so many jobs in the last 16 years that one might get whiplash trying to keep up with my work experience but I will say that I have learned something from every job. And now as i'm about to step into a new season without bosses and time cards and steady ready paydays I wanted to take a moment to commensurate on those lessons. 

Childcare- this was definitely my first job, before i could drive me and my sisters would go door to door in our neighborhood with our babysitting flyers and offer our expertise! Then being a big sister to many small foster kids who shared my home growing up, then as a worker with my mom in our home daycare, then as a temp/vacation nanny and then part time to full time live-in nanny. I would say this is the job that comes the easiest for me, kids are fun and easy for me, yes they can be hard work but the day to day of being in childcare, it was easy to see the impact I was having, easy to see that the love i put into my job was being soaked up. 
from this "job" i learned that when all else fails, making up a silly story and singing a silly song almost always works. a day outside is never a waste. the smallest moments can become precious treasures in you memory. i learned creative problem solving and pretty decent fort building skills. i learned that crafting is the best kind of play, magazines are meant to be cut up, crayons are meant to be dull, and white is meant to get colored. i learned that it is fully 100% possibly to fall in love with a child that does not belong to you and want to protect them, guide them, teach them and love them. and i learned the art of goodbye and how hard it is to let go when the job is over. 

Retail- I love people so it was no shock that I did so well at retail, I have a positive, happy, energetic personality so I was a natural fit to greet and ring people up, to help them find a style or size or show them where the clearance items are. My favorite thing about retail was the chance to work along side so many different people, to share our stories with one another, to cultivate friendships that I may never had outside of the job. 
what i learned from this job was that a smile really does go a long way, I learned that in retail there is endless possibilities to organize/and that this makes my heart happy, I learned that i have amazing folding skills (though you wouldn't know is by looking at my clothing pile, lol). I learned that is is possible to get a very angry person who wants a return and can't get one, to calm down by showing them that you care, and understand and are willing to do everything in your power to try to assist them. I learned that alot of people go shopping when they are having a bad day and that me, as the retail worker at the place they are shopping, i had a chance to make that day better by genuinely caring. I learned that there are alot of people who do not take pride in their work, that there are alot of people who see numbers and percent signs and not people and I learned that life is far to short to let other decide and dictate my mood. 

Photography- I remember my first "fancy" camera, my uncle (the photographer) gave it to me for Christmas, it was a film camera, before digital was affordable to normal people, it looked so cool and i felt soooo very cool when i carried it around. I was in high school and i remember learning all the technical stuff about where to set your subject and how to get the best lighting, how to convey emotion in a photograph. I cannot count the number of photo jobs i have done, I remember most of them, everywhere i go i see potential photo shoot locations and i learned an awful lot from this job too- 
from behind the lens I have the amazing ability to make someone feel beautiful, so zoom in on what they see as beautiful in themselves and to bring out the shine inside them. I learned that the best gift for a mom is a candid of their child, happy and silly and all them, that an un-posed moment, an unprovoked expression and an otherwise ignored detail can become a cherished memory hung on the wall. I learned that weddings are stressful. I learned that the back sides of buildings and tops of parking garages and forgotten little corners make wonderful backdrops. I learned that i love editing photos almost as much as i love taking them. I learned that i was not charging enough for my services and then i learned that I was happier as a hobbyist photographer and not a professional. (also learned that second scooting is the bomb) 

Call center-
I learned that if you communicate that you are listening, and you really listen, really try to help, then most of the time (not all) an angry caller will calm. I learned that despite the urging to end the call sooner, I couldn't reconcile providing less than my best for people who needed it so desperately. I learned what it felt like to be seen as a number. I learned the toll a stressful job can take on your life, your weight, your sleep. I learned that a higher pay is NOT worth it if you hate the job. and i learned that life is too short to stay where you are not thriving.- I also made a lot of great friends here, and had alot of great team leads, and this company did open the door to insurance for me so i am very grateful for that. I learned that even in the painful, uncomfortable seasons, God can use it to work something great in your life. 

Overnight (3rd shift) - while i did work plenty of overnights at kohls (mark downs and holiday) and loved them, it was not until Walgreens that I really committed to this lifestyle (for 7 long months) and learned the lessons that it had to offer. 
Here I learned that even a 10 hour shift can go by quickly if you stay busy, that there is almost always something that can be better organized! I learned that a smile and a kind word really does go a long way, especially in the middle of the night or the start of the day. I have learned that if you set a bell on your counter, and you are nowhere to be seen (in the food isle checking for expired dates) 95% of people will not ring that bell, I have learned how gross people can be (yup cleaning bathrooms was on my list), I learned the names (& cigarette brand) of my regular customers and they learned mine, it was a weird little "family" and my time as part of it was brief but I will carry the lessons with me. And I met a wonderful soul named Andrea, she worked for 14 years for Walgreen, she trained me, in my first week and when I switched to nights, she would be my relief in the mornings. Andrea had Cancer, she'd beat it once before but it came back. I remember having conversations with her, she had a very deep relationship with Jesus and we talked about how she was going to win either way- if she lived, and beat it again, she would have more time with her family, but if she didn't, if cancer killed her, she would get to be with Jesus, and see heaven and be pain free. Andrea died a few months after I left Walgreens- and I know that there are so so so very many people who felt that loss, and a lot of them only knew her from her job, where she stood behind a register (a "simple" job) she worked that job with excellence and taught us all a lesson on how to be a better human. 

And in working as an insurance agent, I learned that I do not work well on my own. I thrive when I am surrounded by people, noise, motion...

I know that the lessons learned here were teaching me for the most important job of all - to be who I need to be as a wife, a sister, daughter, friend and who I need to be when I'm a mom, someday, to whatever kids God sends my way. No job, however small or how ever long it lasted was ever a waste of my time...

God Bless

a prayer for my SOMEDAY kids

I read an article once (as a teen) about parents who prayed for their children before they were born, before the mom and dad even met, one even kept a journal of notes to their someday kids. I earmarked that article in my heart and never forgot it.

in the 15 or so years since I read that article I too started to pray for my kids. I decided early on (helped along by a dr who told me how difficult it would be for my body to endure and recover from a pregnancy due to the scoliosis i have) that I would adopt my kids, my parents did foster care, and I grew up knowing that there were children in the world without homes, without parents, even without suitcases (just garbage bags that held everything in the world that belonged to them) -I decided that I would find children like them someday and adopt them.

I wish I could say I remember the day I first prayed for my someday kids, I can say I remember sleepless nights (many of them) where I used my time to dream of, think about and pray for my kids and the difficulties they would face, and the life we would both lead before meeting each other.
In my 20's I even wrote out some of these prayers in my journals during my morning devotions, along with the desperate prayers of a single girl longing to find and love a man of God.

I found him, or rather we found each other, in my late 20's and at age 30 I walked down the isle and said I do. And we talked about the kids that would someday be ours, that would make us a family. We decided that since our kids would kids and not babies, and that they would most likely be troubled in one way or another (from the events that left them parent-less and in the foster system) we decided that we needed to be married for a while first. 5 years, so that we knew we had a strong foundation to offer our kids, to hedge our bets against a culture that says divorce is the best option when times get hard, to learn how to communicate, and compromise and be with one another before adding to our numbers.

That was almost 3 years ago, that I said I do. and it is not lost on me that now, 2 years away from our 5 year mark, my someday kids are most likely already alive, they have faced, or are facing or about to face the hard times, the part of their lives that will shape their views on this world, that will inspire high school essays on overcoming, the times that will birth insecurities and fears into their hearts.

My prayers for you my children have changed, they have become more pressing, more frequent and more personal. I don't know your names, your faces or your voices but God does and I ask him to watch over you, to protect you and to build into me the traits you will need in a mother.

I dream of putting together a pink room, filled with sparkle and fluff, of filling a closet with clothes and games, toys and treasures, of reading bed time stories and making barbie dresses out of old socks, messy painted canvas on my wall, Christmas and Easter and birthdays and Fridays with my daughters.

and my sons too (maybe, we will see) but daughters for sure.

I want to be there fully for you, in the middle of the day in the middle of the week so i'm working towards a career that will allow that, I don't want to have to go to work and leave you home day after day.
I watch my husband (your dad) with our cats, so tender and loving as the carries them around the house, as he sings to them and plays with them and I know that he will be a wonderful father, he is so steadfast in the way he works, and even in the way he plays (his love for all things related to board games).  He is caring in a way that surprises you, and he is always there to help when i need him, sometimes before I ask. I know you will love him and that he will love you, someday soon.

And I have a wonderful family full of cousins and aunts and uncles, grandmas and a grandpa who will all love you so much. They might be scattered between states and separated from us by miles but there is so much love there, I promise that we will make the time to see them often, so you will know that you have a big beautiful family.

I pray today that God will protect you, that no matter what your day holds, that you have a hope in your heart for a better day ahead. I pray that you see the beauty in the sunshine, in the dandelion and the shadows. I pray that you feel love, from a sibling or family member, a teacher or a neighbor - that the fear you feel, the uncertainty that you face, is never bigger than the love you feel. I pray that somewhere in your life you have heard of Jesus and his love for you, that you can turn to him for comfort. And I pray that in some way, you can feel my love too, a love that has been growing for more than a decade (before you were born).

I want you to know that even though I may have missed your first step, your first words, your first day of school, that I don't know your favorite food or color or how you react to thunder storms, that I think of you often. That I see a mom in the store, with a whiny child in tow and I think of you, my someday children. That I see kids at church, singing and laughing and i think of you. I see my lovely little niece Joelle or any of my wonderful nephews and I think of you.

It might be a few more years until we meet. until we have a house big enough for more than two, until we start to search for you. But i want you to know that you are loved, so much, even in the unknown you are loved. I woke up today thinking of you and I couldn't shake it so I had to tell you and since I don't know you yet I wrote it here and I whisper a prayer.

I love you little ones.

Mom.

The end is near!

The Mango and the Cantaloupe make ALL the difference, the cucumber probably helps too, the last few juices have been really good! There is still an icky aftertaste but I can taste the fruity notes more than i can the veggie bite.

I still have not lost any weight but I was being honest when I said that wasn't the point of this fast, I DO see a change in my body shape, my problem areas are starting to smooth a bit, and I am more motivated to work out.

My craft room will be rearranged to make room for a workout space- and the juicing will continue (on a part time basis for the foreseeable future)

We do have a few days left so I'll keep updating you.